by rseiderman

Although it’ll take place after this for-credit part of the internship is over, my next content week is already looming. Thus far, I’ve basically been avoiding the thing that’s most important to me, the thing that I really really want to talk about—fat acceptance—because I haven’t been brave enough to address it, particularly somewhere that my name will be attached to what I say. But I think that, for my next content week, I want to delve into fat acceptance.

I’m not entirely sure what the week’s content arc will look like, but I definitely want to find pictures and videos like this one or this one wherein fat people stand up for themselves, deal with hatred gracefully, and illustrate that weight discrimination is harmful and that everyone deserves better. So maybe one of those videos to start the week off?

I also definitely want to talk about some of the things that I think about/experience because of my weight. Like clothes stuff. I might write something about how difficult clothes shopping can be, and how limited I feel to garments that conceal most of my body while other people are basically encouraged to show off as much of themselves as possible. (Especially in the summer—tank tops, bikinis, short shorts, etc. But fat people are never supposed to wear those sorts of things, and I’ve internalized that. Part of the reason I don’t wear those things is my own desire to not offend people’s delicate eyes with, God forbid, my uncovered body parts.)

Or, for example, how I always notice whether I’m the fattest person in the room. Do other people think about these kinds of things? I don’t know, but I do, especially in situations where I don’t fit in, literally. Like last year’s WRAC beginning-of-the-year meeting took place in one of the auditorium-style lecture halls in Bessey and those chairs are super unforgiving. As in, it’s kind of miraculous that I managed to sit in one. So I felt weird (and also super uncomfortable) for the whole meeting, which was especially shitty because I was new and didn’t have any friends yet.

I’d also like to do a piece on selfies—how selfies are usually seen as the realm of selfish, immature millenials but can actually serve a valid, important function. Namely, taking lots of selfies can be a way of practicing self-love. I’d want to call that piece Self-Love Selfies or something like that and talk about my own experience with putting pictures of myself on the internet. (It’s been a lot more liberating than I was expecting and a lot better for my self-esteem.)

I could write something about dealing with post-diet rebounding, too. One year I did a really calorie-restrictive diet, lost a lot of weight, then couldn’t hold out anymore and failed and gained it back. (And then some.) But I want to explore how even my new knowledge of fat acceptance—dieting generally leads to net weight gain and is generally bad for you—fights against the things I’ve been told and taught and doing for so long. For example, even though I know dieting won’t work, I still have that urge to diet. And, interestingly, I’m kind of mad at myself for dieting in the first place because that in and of itself is largely the reason I’ve ended up where I am. So it’s hard not to 1) diet or 2) hate myself for having dieted. And I want to put that out there for other people who may experience similar things.

I need to run this stuff by Sonya first to see what she thinks, but my guess would be that she’d approve. Hopefully.